I am really struggling with the whole supermarket shopping thing! I know it should be a reasonably simple weekly task but I am finding it terribly stressful!
I was in town and knew I needed some fruit and veg so decided to pop into my local Sainsbury’s on the way home. I walked into the shop and immediately started to panic, I was paralysed by the situation I stood there and stared at all the fresh produce. I didn’t have a list or a plan of what meals I wanted to make so didn’t know what I really needed.
That all too familiar voice appeared shouting at me to “just buy it all” and insisting that “it’s better to have too much than forget something” I suddenly started to feel like I was in a tailspin.
The fear of the “What if?”
Mum came over and asked what was wrong, I’d been staring at the salads for over 5 minutes. I explained how I was feeling and she very kindly offered to bring me back the next day so I could arm my self with a plan for the week and a list of what I needed.
This isn’t the first time this has happened it has become a fairly regular occurrence. One time I was stood in front of the bottled sauces so long a member of staff came over to help and check I was okay. Most people cannot understand how it can be so difficult to make simple decisions on things such as which sauce to buy but when you are gripped by anxiety the fear of making a wrong choice becomes overwhelming. You are bombarded by thoughts of all the things that could go wrong if you do not make the right decision. The fear becomes consuming, it is completely irrational but in the moment it is all that matters.
The only thing that quells the fear is throwing everything I might need in the trolley so I cover all possibilities. This ends up being ridiculously expensive and I just cannot afford to keep living this way. Half of the perishables I buy each week end up in the bin which is embarrassing to admit. I am quite literally just throwing money in the bin!
Life’s lessons will be repeated until they are learned
This has to stop! I have to learn from this. I can’t keep spinning in circles all my life I have to start moving forward. The thing with anxiety is the more you avoid it the worse it becomes, its a never ending cycle until it completely consumes you. The only way out is the break the cycle… easier said than done!
I think I need to confront myself with just how much food I have in the house, at the moment it is all hidden away in cupboards, the fridge and the freezer. I am going to make a spreadsheet and put every last piece of food in my house on it. I’m hoping that will give me a basis to build my shopping lists from so I can work on using up what I have before I buy more. I can’t expect to feel calm and rational in the supermarket if I don’t even know what I have or what I really need.
Fingers crossed this is the start of a new chapter.